We need to normalise talking about suicidality

(I’m grateful for Matt Ball and the Humane Clinic, whose work helped shape my thinking on this topic. You can find their work here, and on the rest of their website: https://humaneclinic.com.au/suicide-narratives/)

When high profile deaths by suicide are reported in the media, the conversation begins again. Crisis lines and mental health services circulate, and messages of consolation are sent in masses. However, the shame and stigma attached to mental health challenges and suicidality still exists. There is a gap between how suicidality is framed in crisis moments and how distress is experienced in everyday life. Suicidality is still approached as an acute state requiring exceptional intervention, yet it is also a deeply human and common experience. 

By assuming suicidality only exists at peaks, we create a blind spot to quieter forms of suffering that people live with every day. 

This misses the reality that people need a different kind of engagement - ongoing, relational support. This is about reducing stigma and isolation, not minimising the seriousness of risk. 

Regarding the approach to suicidality, we have moved from criminalisation, to medicalisation, to a recognition of its complexity and systemic drivers that lead people to suicide. Despite this, the rates of death by suicide have continued to increase over time, especially regarding men, indigenous people and those living rurally. The impact of medical trauma is well documented (see existing literature on iatrogenic harm and coercive mental health care practices). 

The paradox has been clear: approaches designed to reduce suicide risk can sometimes intensify the very conditions they are trying to prevent - trauma, disempowerment and harm. These are often acted upon in favour of risk management, not because they provide therapeutic value. The fear of suicide is embedded, with all efforts claiming to prioritise safety. The decision to be honest and seek support has historically been punished, creating a confused narrative of how to navigate through, and what safety really is.

From a social standpoint, this can be seen in how people relate to suicidality when it shows up in their real life. Suicide-related stigma strongly influences how people respond. We often carry implicit beliefs about danger, not wanting to cause further harm and not feeling equipped. This fear leads to avoidance, distancing and emotional shutdown.

Those experiencing suicidality are often already anticipating negative responses (judgment, panic, rejection), leading to preemptive withdrawal. So, a pattern is repeatedly reinforced: the person speaks up, others feel fear, respond awkwardly or withdraw, the person feels like a burden and becomes more isolated. 

People can also go into problem-solving mode, treating the person like something to fix. This can look like advice-giving, focusing on logic, offering solutions and trying to stop what is happening. This is often an effort to regain control and reduce discomfort, while increasing pressure, shame and feelings of invalidation.

Changing how we respond to suicidality begins with understanding it differently. Suicidality is not reducible to individual psychology alone. It is a human response to distressing and constrained contexts, shaped by systemic and relational conditions. In some frameworks for understanding suicide, distress isn’t treated as something happening inside a person, it is treated as a disruption of connection to what matters to them. Reconnection is healing, and what is important to this person becomes central. Identity and meaning are part of this, as belonging is a protective factor for suicidality, shaped through relationships and place in the world. Suicidality is not a personal failing, and people should not be left to heal independently.

People feel disempowered when they are treated as “other”, and experience a lack of autonomy and control over their lives. This can intensify suicidality, so returning power to the person is important, as it can restore dignity and hope diminished during a crisis. Empowerment comes from feeling seen, heard and respected in our sovereignty. We can support without solving or escalating. Disconnection and alienation during a crisis often come from not knowing how to respond. 

Remember your humanness, and that you are part of the world where the pain exists. Pain is part of life, and our avoidance of it creates more. Allowing instead of resisting can create the conditions for hope and connection. 

This work is arguably more important outside of crisis points. Suicide prevention is possible in how we operate in relationships. Listen to people’s stories, understand their experience and explore what matters to them. Stay present and connected over time, not just during crisis points. A nod in solidarity, and not racing for an answer during a hard conversation is the work. Validation and normalisation is the work. If a person is given space to share their story, they are given permission to breathe. If their words land in acceptance, they can exist without needing to change. Listening is powerful, and support is sitting in discomfort with them. It is staying with pain and distress as a normal part of the human experience. We need not be afraid of our people, we need to be with them.

Healing is not only found in crisis response or intervention, it exists beyond systems and definitions. Healing is a lifetime - laughter, nature, unconditional relationships, the basics done well. Healing is everyday relational life, not something separate from it. Healing is everywhere.